Married...with Children

22 Episodes

1. Buck Can Do It

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Season 2

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23m

When Buck has his way with half the female dogs in the neighborhood, leaving behind a wake of "stupid and ugly puppies," Peg insists that Al have Buck neutered.

2. Poppy's by the Tree: Part 1

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Season 2

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23m

When it's time for the annual Bundy vacation, Al vetoes Hawaii in favor of scenic Dumpwater, Florida, only to discover that there is a tourist-bating ax-murderer on the loose. (Part 1 of 2)

3. Poppy's by the Tree: Part 2

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Season 2

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23m

When a tourist-hating ax-murderer kidnaps Peggy, it puts a slight damper on the family fun and almost-for-certain confirms that the Bundys will probably never vacation in Dumpwater, Florida again. (Part 2)

4. If I Were a Rich Man

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Season 2

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23m

The day after Al stops by Steve's to give him a lift home, a cool million in securities mysteriously disappears, making Al the prime suspect.

5. For Whom the Bell Tolls

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Season 2

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23m

When Al refuses to pay the phone bill, believing he's been overcharged, he decides to take on the phone company, despite the fact that his entire family refuses to join the battle.

6. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Part 1

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Season 2

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23m

When Peggy, Marcy and the neighborhood girls drop in on a male strip joint, Marcy loses more than her innocence. (Part 1 of 2)

7. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun: Part 2

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Season 2

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23m

When Peggy, Marcy and the neighborhood girls drop in on a male strip joint, Marcy loses more than her innocence. (Part 2)

8. Born to Walk

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Season 2

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23m

When his driver's license expires, Al's only wheels are those on a bicycle until he can pass the DMV test.

9. Alley of the Dolls

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Season 2

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23m

When Peggy's old high school rival challenges her to a family bowl-off, Peggy is determined to win - with the help of an "adopted" Bundy, ringer Steve Rhoades.

10. The Razor's Edge

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Season 2

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23m

When Steve returns from a river rafting trip, Marcy refuses to let him back into the house until he shaves his newly-grown beard, and he's forced to seek refuge with the Bundys.

11. How Do You Spell Revenge

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Season 2

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23m

Al is too busy scheming to get Peggy thrown off their neighbor-hood baseball team to notice that Kelly is about to be tattooed with the name of her latest boyfriend.

12. Earth Angel

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Season 2

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23m

When Bud brings a beautiful, homeless young woman to stay with the Bundys, Al and the rest of the neighborhood guys begin acting like sex-crazed teenagers.

13. You Better Watch Out

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Season 2

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23m

When Santa Claus is scheduled to parachute into the new shopping mall but crash-lands in the Bundy's backyard instead, Al pinch-hits for old Saint Nick.

14. Guys and Dolls

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Season 2

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23m

When Al and Steve become obsessed with collecting baseball cards, Peggy and Marcy dig out their old Barbie dolls and re-live their childhood fantasies.

15. Build a Better Mousetrap

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Season 2

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23m

Al and Steve stare danger in the face when they decide to exterminate a pesky field mouse without the aid of professional help.

16. Master the Possibilities

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Season 2

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23m

When Buck, the Bundy family pooch, mistakenly receives a credit card in his name, Al and Peg decide to sample "the good life" and embark on a wild spending spree.

17. Peggy Loves Al, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

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Season 2

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23m

All Peggy wants for Valentine's Day is to hear unromantic Al utter those three little words -- I love you.

18. The Great Escape

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Season 2

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23m

When the Bundy family spends the night in Al's shoe store while their house is being exterminated, Kelly is forced to be especially creative in slipping out for the night.

19. Impo-Dent

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Season 2

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23m

When Marcy accidentally dents Steve's brand new Mercedes, she finds it affects more than just his performance on the road.

20. Just Married…with Children

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Season 2

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23m

Peggy and Al masquerade as their newlywed neighbors, Steve and Marcy Rhoades, on the game show "How Do I Love Thee" - with shocking results.

21. Father Lode

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Season 2

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23m

Al finally comes into some money at the track, but hasn't time to enjoy his winnings - he's too busy hiding the loot from his family.

22. All in the Family

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Season 2

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23m

Al is less than thrilled when Peggy announces her family is coming for a visit - all six of them.

22 Episodes

1. The Camping Show

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Season 3

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23m

Al and Steve's much-anticipated vacation in the great outdoors is ruined by female hormones and man-eating animals.

2. He Thought He Could

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Season 3

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23m

When Al finds a library book that is 31 years overdue, he decides to finally face the librarian who once pegged him as a deadbeat.

3. I'm Goin' to Sweatland

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Season 3

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23m

Al is up to his armpits in rock 'n' roll fanatics after Peggy "sees" an image of her idol in the sweat stains on one of Al's tee-shirts.

4. Poke High

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Season 3

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23m

While Kelly tries to score with a high school fullback, Al roots for the opposing team in hopes his old school record will remain intact.

5. A Dump of My Own

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Season 3

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23m

Al sets out to fulfill a lifelong dream when he begins construction on his very own bathroom, equipped with the legendary Ferguson Toilet.

6. Her Cups Runneth Over

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Season 3

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23m

Peggy is so miserable when her favorite bra is discontinued, that Al is forced to take matters into his own hands and find a replacement.

7. The Bald and the Beautiful

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Season 3

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23m

When Al and Steve face up to the bald fact that they are both losing their hair, they decide to seek the counsel and encouragement of a hairless support group.

8. I'll See You in Court

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Season 3

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23m

Peggy hopes that an overnight stay in a motel will liven up her sex life with Al only to discover that their most intimate moments have been videotaped by the management.

9. The Gypsy Cried

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Season 3

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22m

When a gypsy fortune teller predicts disaster for Marcy and good fortune for Al, Steve and Peggy, Marcy insists that they accompany her on a plane trip to New York, first class, of course.

10. Requiem for a Dead Barber

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Season 3

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23m

When Al's long-time barber passes on, Al is forced to face the fact that the old-fashioned barber shop is a thing of the past and resigns himself to a future of beauty salon haircuts.

11. Eatin' Out

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Season 3

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23m

When the Bundy's receive a modest inheritance check from Peg's deceased uncle, they decide to splurge and eat out at an elegant restaurant.

12. My Mom, the Mom

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Season 3

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23m

Peggy is the hit of Mother/Daughter Career Day at Kelly's school when she instructs the girls in the art of being a housewife, including demonstrations of wallet pilfering and mastering the TV remote control.

13. Can't Dance, Don't Ask Me

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Season 3

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23m

When Kelly is faced with a choice of getting kicked out of school or joining the tap dance club, she swallows her pride, buckles on her tap shoes and performs some dirty dancing that leaves the audience sweating in their seats.

14. A Three Job, No Income Family

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Season 3

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23m

When Peggy gets a job selling cosmetics and brings home more money than Al, he gets a second job to regain his self-respect, but still finds himself losing the breadwinning game.

15. The Harder They Fall

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Season 3

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23m

After Peggy gives the highway salute to a rude driver while in the Rhoades' car, Steve is obsessed with the fear that the enraged driver -- a possible ex-con -- may come looking for him.

16. The House That Peg Lost

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Season 3

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23m

When Steve and Marcy return from vacation after entrusting the keys to their house to Peggy, they're shocked to find a big hole where their house used to be.

17. Married…with Queen

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Season 3

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23m

In this two-part story, Peggy and Al attend the Polk High School Reunion where Peggy is determined to defeat her old nemesis for the title of Reunion Queen.

18. Married…with Queen: The Sequel

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Season 3

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23m

Peggy vigorously campaigns for the title of Reunion Queen while Al settles an old score with a former classmate at the Polk High School Reunion.

19. The Computer Show

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Season 3

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23m

Peggy brings the family closer to the poorhouse when she insists on buying a home computer.

20. The Dateless Amigo

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Season 3

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23m

When Bud finds it difficult to line up a date, he resorts to the next best thing - a mannequin -with a penchant for losing her head.

21. Life's A Beach

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Season 3

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23m

When Al decides the Bundy clan needs to spend quality time together, they pack up the suntan oil, bug spray and portable TV and head for the beach.

22. Here's Lookin' At You, Kid

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Season 3

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23m

When a neighborhood peeping tom has taken a peek at everyone on the block except Peggy, she tries to rectify the situation by leaving milk, cookies and a ladder.

23 Episodes

1. Hot Off the Grill

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Season 4

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23m

In honor of Labor Day, Al Bundy "treats" Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Steve and Marcy to an old-fashioned barbecue - Bundy style.

2. Dead Men Don't Do Aerobics

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Season 4

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23m

When Peggy wins a personalized workout with TV fitness host Jim Jupiter, "the healthiest man in Chicago," he sets out to change her unhealthful lifestyle, but she changes his instead.

3. Buck Saves the Day

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Season 4

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23m

When Al and Steve take Bud and his friends on a camping trip, Kelly sees a friendly poker game with the girls as a chance to earn money for a rock concert.

4. Tooth or Consequences

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Season 4

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23m

Stricken with a toothache, Al reluctantly visits a dentist for the first time, leaving him in too much pain to enjoy the family meal that Peggy has begrudgingly agreed to prepare.

5. He Ain't Much but He's Mine

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Season 4

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23m

When a flashy blond at the beauty parlor brags about her affair with a married man, Peggy worries that Al is picking up more than a spare on his bowling night.

6. Fair Exchange

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Season 4

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23m

The Bundys are elated over the extra income they receive when they house a foreign exchange student, but Kelly gets a run for her money when the student turns out to be a beautiful, sexy French girl.

7. Desperately Seeking Miss October

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Season 4

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23m

Al panics when Peggy sells his beloved collection of Playboy magazines to buy a good luck idol to help her win the lottery.

8. 976-Shoe

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Season 4

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23m

Al tries to cash in on his knowledge of shoe business by starting a shoe hotline.

9. Oh, What a Feeling

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Season 4

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23m

When Al's car bites the dust, he digs up his nest egg and heads for the auto showroom to wheel and deal for the car of his dreams.

10. At the Zoo

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Season 4

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23m

After couch potato in-training Steve is fired, he plays hooky from his job hunt to go to the zoo, determined to save a sea turtle named Bosco.

11. Who'll Stop the Rain

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Season 4

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23m

A rainstorm brings out the handyman in Al, who doggedly attempts to fix a leaky roof.

12. It's a Bundyful Life: Part 1

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Season 4

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23m

Despite his rare good intentions, Al fails to make it to the bank in time to withdraw his Christmas Club money, and the Bundy family is destined to go presentless, again, unless Al can find a way to make some quick cash.

13. It's a Bundyful Life: Part 2

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Season 4

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25m

When Al blows his only chance to give the family a merry Christmas, he miserably wishes that he didn't exist until a not-so-angelic angel shows what life without Al - but with Peggy's loving husband Norman - would be like. (Part II)

14. Rock and Roll Girl

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Season 4

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23m

Sick and tired of being the sole breadwinner, Al challenges the family to find jobs, but is in for a surprise when Kelly's talents land her the lead as "The Girl" in the Guttercats' music video.

15. A Taxing Problem

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Season 4

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23m

About to be audited by the IRS, Al has to come up with a quick five grand and decides to sell Peggy's hair.

16. You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em: Part 1

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Season 4

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23m

When Steve dumps Marcy to become a park ranger, ever-supportive Peggy talks her into a Las Vegas vacation with Al. (Part I of II)

17. You Gotta Know When to Hold 'Em: Part 2

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Season 4

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23m

When Peg and Marcy lose everything in Las Vegas, Al attempts to win back their money by going into the ring with a lady wrestler. (Part II)

18. What Goes Around Came Around

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Season 4

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23m

Bent on revenge, Bud makes a date with the girl who once stole his clothes and ran his underwear up the flagpole.

19. Rain Girl

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Season 4

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23m

Al's groveling at the shoe store earns him a five-dollar-a-week-raise, but Kelly bursts his bubble when she announces that she'll be bringing home a thousand bucks a week as a cable TV weather girl.

20. Peggy Turns 300

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Season 4

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23m

Al's one chance at glory is to break the alley record at Jim's Bowlarama, but it's threatened by high-scoring Peggy.

21. Peggy Made A Little Lamb

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Season 4

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23m

Peggy is shocked to discover that she never graduated from high school and, needing one additional course to get her diploma, joins Kelly's home economics class.

22. The Agony of De Feet

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Season 4

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23m

While an ecstatic Al prepares to judge a beauty contest, Marcy awakens on the Bundy couch next to a lipstick-smeared Bud and fears the worst.

23. Yard Sale

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Season 4

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23m

When Al discovers Peggy's passion for yard sales has gotten out of hand, he decides that the Bundys should hold one of their own.

24 Episodes

1. Al…with Kelly

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Season 5

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23m

After faking colds to get out of visiting Peggy's mother, Al and Kelly rejoice at their week of freedom, but when Kelly really gets sick, Al is forced to play nursemaid.

2. We'll Follow the Sun

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Season 5

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23m

Al's plans for a family road trip come to a screeching halt when the Bundys get caught in Labor Day traffic.

3. Sue Casa, His Casa

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Season 5

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23m

No sooner than Al cancels his auto insurance, the kids get into an accident and Al decides to sue, so the Bundys put on their neck braces and "tell it to the judge."

4. The Unnatural

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Season 5

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23m

Al's pride is on the line when his softball team threatens to bench him right before the league championship.

5. Dance Show

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Season 5

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23m

When an attention-starved Peg meets a charming married man, Andy, Al's in for a surprise when Andy's jealous "husband" shows up on Al's doorstep.

6. Kelly Bounces Back

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Season 5

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23m

When Al insists that Kelly get a job, she enrolls in modeling school - at Al's expense - and sets her sights on becoming a car showroom model.

7. Married…with Aliens

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Season 5

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23m

When Al is visited by mysterious green creatures who creep into his bedroom and take his dirty socks, he's subjected to ridicule by his disbelieving family, but still determined to get proof of his "close encounter."

8. Wabbit Season

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Season 5

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23m

A stressed-out Al takes up gardening for relaxation but ends up battling a pesky rabbit.

9. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

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Season 5

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23m

Peggy becomes worried when the neighborhood women suddenly find Al irresistible.

10. One Down, Two to Go

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Season 5

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23m

Peggy goes off the deep end when Kelly decides to leave the nest and get an apartment of her own.

11. And Baby Makes Money

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Season 5

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23m

Al discovers new-found passion when he learns that he and Peggy stand to inherit a fortune by producing another Bundy baby.

12. Married…with Who

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Season 5

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23m

When Marcy wakes up to discover a man in her bed and a wedding ring on her finger, she gives Peggy and Al the cash to throw her a lavish wedding, but giving Marcy the party of her dreams is the last thing on their minds.

13. Look Who's Barking

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Season 5

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23m

Buck the Dog, fed up with being neglected by the Bundys, decides to leave home and venture out into the world, where he meets a canine femme fatale.

14. Godfather

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Season 5

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23m

Al entertains notions of greatness when he discovers that Kelly's new boyfriend is an influential city politician.

16. All-Night Security Dude

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Season 5

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22m

When the shoe store temporarily gives Al the boot, he takes a job as Polk High's night security guard, but when his prized football trophy is stolen, he comes face-to-face with his high school rival, Spare Tire Dixon, who wants to even the score.

17. Weenie Tot Lovers and Other Strangers

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Season 5

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22m

Peg and Al must decide whether to give their last hundred dollars to Bud, who's been selected a top teen and invited to go to the White House and meet the President, or to Kelly, who has a chance to become "Miss Weenie Tot" -- and win a year's supply of Al's favorite treat.

18. Oldies but Young 'Uns

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Season 5

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23m

Al struggles to remember a favorite song from his past and enlists the help of an "oldies expert," his pal Charlie Verducci; meanwhile, Charlie's son, Vinnie, falls for Kelly but, under Al's watchful eye, is unable to do anything about it.

19. You Better Shop Around: Part 1

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Season 5

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22m

In the first of a two-part episode, after Al buys a shoddy air conditioner and causes a neighborhood blackout, the Bundys seek refuge from the heat and their infuriated neighbors by taking up residence in their local supermarket.

20. You Better Shop Around: Part 2

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Season 5

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22m

When the Bundys are evicted from the supermarket where they've taken up temporary residence, Al inadvertently becomes their one millionth customer; but Marcy claims otherwise and the Bundys and the D'Arcys battle it out in the aisles for the grand prize. Jerry Mathers, "The Beaver," plays himself as the market's embarrassed celebrity host.

21. Kids! Wadaya Gonna Do?

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Season 5

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22m

Needing cold cash for some hot prospects, Bud and Kelly are forced to find creative ways to earn money; meanwhile, Peg hoping for a hot night on the town, settles for an evening of videos with Al and the D'Arcy's instead.

22. Route 666: Part 1

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Season 5

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22m

When Al takes the family on a road trip to a shoe convention in California, the Bundys discover a golden opportunity when their car breaks down in the middle of a ghost town.

23. Route 666: Part 2

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Season 5

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22m

The California Coast will have to wait when, stranded in a ghost town, the Bundys and the D'Arcys catch "gold fever" and become wary mining partners.

24. Buck the Stud

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Season 5

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22m

Buck the Dog has romantic designs on every bitch in the neighborhood, but dashes Peg & Al's hopes of becoming wealthy breeders when he refuses to court a pampered pedigree.

25. Top of the Heap

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Season 5

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22m

After his son Vinnie's boxing career washes out, Charlie Verducci is pressed to come up with another plan to make the two of them rich. Reminded by his landlady that the rent is due, Charlie realizes something must be done fast. Turning to Al, who lost his television in a bet on Vinnie's fight, Charlie is encouraged to have his son marry a rich woman. Breaking into an exclusive fund raising party, Charlie sends Vinnie off to find a girl. Running into a couple of wealthy acquaintances, Charlie is introduced to Kathleen, a woman with eyes for him. While Vinnie lacks confidence in his father's plan, Charlie asks his friends for a favor -- to give his son a high paying job. Realizing it will take time to find a wife for Vinnie, Charlie gives in to Kathleen's advances, hoping for an invitation to another party the following week. To insure they will snare the girl they're after, Charlie insists that Vinnie sleep with no one until their mission is complete. Finally, while Charlie and Vinnie are in bed sleeping, Al sneaks into their apartment and steals the television set, replacing the one he lost betting on the fight.

20 Episodes

1. She's Having My Baby: Part 1

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Season 6

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23m

In the season premiere, Marcy excitedly announces that she's pregnant, but Al's glee at Jefferson's misfortune turns to horror when Peg breaks the news that she, too, has a little Bundy in the oven.

2. She's Having My Baby: Part 2

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Season 6

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23m

While mothers-to-be Peg and Marcy keep everyone hopping with their demands, Al, unable to face another 20 years of parenting, decides to make a run for it.

3. If Al Had a Hammer

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Season 6

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23m

Al, seeking refuge from all forms of women - pregnant or otherwise - decides to build a clubhouse where he can get away from it all, but it's soon overrun by other desperate fathers-to-be.

4. Cheese, Cues and Blood

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Season 6

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23m

Lusting for a thousand dollar dress to wear to the "Miss Cheese" competition, Kelly decides to earn the money the old-fashioned way - by hustling pool.

5. Lookin' fer a Desk in all the Wrong Places

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Season 6

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22m

While Peggy and Marcy comb the city for Marcy's old baby furniture after Jefferson sells it to pocket the cash, the guys conduct a search of their own for the perfect maid -- although cleanliness is the last thing on their minds.

6. Buck Has a Belly Ache

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Season 6

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22m

When Al and the kids are preoccupied with a seemingly-sick Buck, Peg, feeling neglected, returns home to her "kin" in Wanker County for a little TLC.

8. God's Shoes

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Season 6

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23m

When Al has a spiritual experience and sees "God's shoes," he makes it his mission to re-create - and promote - his heavenly vision.

10. Kelly Does Hollywood: Part 2

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Season 6

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23m

The Bundy's dream of fame and fortune remain just that after Kelly's popular local cable talk show is revamped for primetime by Hollywood network executive Jeff Littlehead.

11. Al Bundy, Shoe Dick

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Season 6

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23m

In a style reminiscent of the old Hollywood thriller, Al dreams he's a private eye who finds himself in the middle of a murder when he's hired by a femme fatale to protect her inheritance from her thieving family.

13. I Who Have Nothing

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Season 6

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23m

When Al decides to draw up a will and divide up his worldly belongings, he tracks down his old high school girlfriend, to whom he gave his most prized possession -- his football.

14. The Mystery of Skull Island

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Season 6

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23m

While Peggy, Al, Marcy and Jefferson play a New Age board game, Bud finds himself unable to say no to sexy Kara, even if it kills him.

15. Just Shoe It

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Season 6

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23m

Al relives his glory days as a high school football star (All City '66) when he lands a role in a Super Bowl commercial with ex-jocks Sugar Ray Leonard, Steve Carlton and Ed "Too Tall" Jones.

16. Rites of Passage

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Season 6

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23m

Though Peggy has hired Sticky the Clown to entertain at Bud's 18th birthday party, Al follows Bundy tradition and takes his son to the nudie bar for his first brawl.

17. The Egg and I

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Season 6

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23m

Steve Rhoades, on the run after hijacking an endangered egg, returns to reclaim his ex-wife, but Marcy doesn't want him back and all the Bundys want is to turn him in to the FBI for the reward money.

19. My Dinner with Anthrax

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Season 6

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23m

It's Al and Peggy's 20th anniversary and Bud and Kelly pack them off to a time-share scam in Florida so heavy metal band Anthrax can party at the Bundy house.

20. Hi, I.Q.

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Season 6

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23m

Bud is up in arms when Kelly is invited to join a group of geniuses, while Al and Jefferson try their hand at putting together a workbench -- and lose a few fingers in the process.

21. Teachers Pets

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Season 6

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23m

When Bud's English teacher has the hots for him, he seeks advice from Al, who takes time out of his busy schedule attending birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese to correct the situation with the usual Bundy flair.

22. Goodbye Girl

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Season 6

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23m

While Al takes a world tour via the living room couch and remote control, Kelly gets a job at the TV World theme park.

23. The Gas Station Show

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Season 6

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23m

Al takes the family out for a Bundy Sunday Fun Day, but when he can't pay for gas, he is forced to work off his debt as an attendant on the full-serve island.

25. England Show II

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Season 6

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23m

Al, Peggy and Bud arrive in Lower Uncton, where the townspeople prepare to kill them, but lost, globetrotting Kelly, is able to warn them of danger.

25 Episodes

1. Magnificent Seven

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Season 7

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22m

When Peg's half-wit cousins, Zemus and Ida Mae, abandon their son, Seven, on the Bundy's doorstep, all are dismayed, except for Peg, who revels in the joys of motherhood. It isn't until Al tracks down Zemus and Ida Mae in their Georgia trailer park and realizes the impoverished fate in store for the boy, that he decides to keep Seven as their own.

2. T R A Something, Something Spells Tramp

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Season 7

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23m

Peg reminisces about the time when she and Al had a more exciting life, until their neighbors challenge Al's abilities in bed and he sets out to show them a thing or two. Meanwhile, stranded by her date for failing to cooperate, Kelly meets some girls in a similar position to hers and while discussing their own virtuousness, they plot a way to get back at Kelly's date.

3. Every Bundy Has a Birthday

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Season 7

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23m

Peg wants to throw Seven a birthday party and because he can't remember his birth date, she assigns him one. The Bundys head to the town park to celebrate, and after Al gets in an argument with a rich snobby father who has rented the park for his son's party, the Bundys are left fighting over the one hot dog they brought, confined to a small roped off area, usually set aside for dogs.

4. Al on the Rocks

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Season 7

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23m

When Peg panics over Seven's sneezes, Al is forced to take another job because of piling medical bills. He answers an ad for a topless bartender and, much to Peg's dismay, is a hit with the ladies until Jefferson comes along and steals the women's hearts, as well as Al's job.

5. What I Did for Love

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Season 7

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23m

In an effort to renew her husband's romantic interest in her, Peg drags Al along to shop for some exciting lingerie, only to find Bud hitting on one of the store mannequins. After trying every trick in the book, Peg finally discovers food is the only way to arouse Al, but when she slaves away in the kitchen in exchange for a few romantic results, she refuses to do any more cooking.

7. The Chicago Wine Party

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Season 7

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23m

When Al learns of a beer tax being voted on in the upcoming election, he demands the whole family pull together to vote against it. The Bundys hit the voting booths for the first time, with Al telling them to vote no on everything. Despite the family's efforts, the tax is passed overwhelmingly, so Al leads the dispirited beer drinkers in a drunken rampage through Chicago which intimidates the city council into repealing the tax.

8. Kelly Doesn't Live Here Anymore

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Season 7

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23m

When Kelly agrees to get a job to help Al pay some of the bills, she is hired as a waitress. Her lack of experience is evident when the diner's manager declares her the dumbest girl he has ever hired. Despite the fact that Peg disowns her for having a job, when she stops by and sees her daughter ignoring hungry customers to counsel a troubled teen, she realizes she has treated Kelly too harshly. Finally, Kelly establishes herself as the Philosopher Waitress and holds court at the diner serving those seeking her wisdom.

9. Rock of Ages

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Season 7

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23m

Al uses every trick at his disposal to become the shoe salesman of the month and win one first class ticket to Hawaii. He soon learns however, that Peg has traded in his prize for standby tickets for the whole family. Realizing that he may never make it to Hawaii, Al poses as rock star Axl Bundy and joins a group of other rock heroes in the first class lounge. Mistaking him for a fellow rocker, the musicians convince Al to perform with them at a benefit.

10. Death of a Shoe Salesman

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Season 7

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23m

Not wanting to leave it up to their children, Al and Peg decide to choose their grave sites while they are still alive. Al wants to be buried next to his favorite cowboy actor, Fuzzy McGee, and his mule, while Peg insists they be laid to rest in an expensive Mausoleum. Realizing Al will never give up on his wish, Peg agrees to it, provided they get rid of the mule. Finally, when Al learns of the cost of their burial, Peg suggests they save money and get buried in the same grave.

11. The Old College Try

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Season 7

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23m

When Al and Peg arrive at the bank to make a contribution to Bud's college fund and see the balance in his account, they conclude the bank must have made an error and quickly withdraw the $25,000 for themselves. Unaware that it's Bud's scholarship money, Al and Peg go on a shopping spree. When Bud heads off to college and starts bouncing checks left and right, Al and Peg realize their mistake but are afraid to admit it. When Bud is arrested for passing bad checks, they blame the whole thing on Kelly and Bud is forced to live at home again. Feeling guilty, Al tries to make it up to Bud by joining him for a dorm panty raid.

12. Christmas

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Season 7

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23m

When Al realizes he must buy Christmas gifts for his family, he is forced to get a job as a mall Santa. Sitting at the bar complaining to his coworkers, Al falls asleep and awakens to find he has spent all of his hard earned cash buying drinks for everyone. Furious about being taken by the unscrupulous bartender, Al returns home to shower the family with gifts of a dart board, beer stems, a television set and a gold chain -- all courtesy of Ray's Bar.

13. Wedding Show

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Season 7

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23m

The Bundys are heading to cousin Jimmy's wedding and Bud, expecting available women to be there, asks Kelly for advice on how to get one. Kelly tells him to use the direct approach and when a girl arrives looking for the bridesmaids, Bud tries out his new pick-up line and ends up in bed with her, unaware that she is the bride-to-be.

14. It Doesn't Get Any Better Than This

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Season 7

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23m

Al takes off on a fishing trip alone, but when Marcy seeks revenge on Jefferson for excessively charging on her credit cards, Peg invites Marcy to join her on Al's vacation. Meanwhile, Jefferson claims his credit card abuse is merely one of the rights of an attractive person, and Kelly agrees. She advises him that if he spends a lot of money, Marcy will appreciate how little he used to spend, so they throw an extravagant party. Peg and Marcy return home, having unwittingly left Al locked outside the cabin with a snow storm approaching, to find the party going on in full force.

15. Heels on Wheels

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Season 7

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23m

Kelly tries to recapture her youth by buying herself a motorcycle. When Peg learns of the purchase, she recalls her own erotic motorcycle experiences and Kelly must fight her for time with the bike. Al saddles up for a spin but winds up getting injured in an accident when Kelly runs into him with the car. Persuaded by her father's wreck, Kelly swears off the motorcycle forever, leaving Peg to fulfill her fantasies with what's left of the bike.

16. Mr. Empty Pants

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Season 7

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23m

When Marcy catches a glimpse of "Mr. Empty Pants," a caricature of Al drawn by Peg, she suggests to her friend that she submit it to a new woman's magazine as a cartoon strip. Enduring public humiliation, Al demands that the comic be stopped, until he is asked to be the centerfold in Playgirl Magazine. When Peg gets jealous of her husband's new-found fame, she has Mr. Empty Pants killed off in the latest strip. Though Al is certain they will never find a big enough loser to replace him, Bud is finally tapped to take over.

17. You Can't Miss

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Season 7

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23m

Fed up with his non-existent social life, Bud decides to go on a dating game for "nerds." Everyone is surprised when the beautiful Candy chooses Bud for his date. Although the two don't hit it off, Bud is certain that Candy will choose him on next week's show to accompany her on a dream date to Bermuda. Bud is disappointed when she chooses the show's handsome Latin Lover, and returns to find, much to his surprise, a host of available and willing women waiting for him.

18. Peggy and the Pirates

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Season 7

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23m

Peg whips out a trashy romance novel to try to help Seven fall asleep and, imagining herself as the beautiful Princess Scarlett, tells of being kidnapped by Captain Courage, who bears striking resemblance to Al. When Paco (Jefferson), her supposed savior, develops an interest in the androgynous Cabin Boy-Girl (Marcy), Scarlett turns to Captain Courage, promising to be a loyal servant who will work to feed and clothe him.

19. Go for the Old

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Season 7

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23m

At first depressed when a theater cashier mistakes him for a senior citizen, Al reconsiders and sees the benefits to getting a senior citizen discount card. Al enters the Chicago Area Senior Athletic Championships much to the embarrassment of his family. Placing fifteenth at the end of the first day's events, Al becomes inspired by the memory of his high school football career. He struggles into second place and after debating whether or not it would be fair to steal the title from an old guy, he catches a glimpse of the trophy and snatches the victory for himself.

20. Unalful Entry

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Season 7

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23m

When Al renders a burglar unconscious, he is dubbed a local hero for bravely defending his home. Trying to capitalize on his fame, Al proposes selling advertising space on his clothing. All plans are destroyed however, when he is notified that the burglar is suing him for $50,000. Finally, with nothing left to lose, Al hits the burglar again hoping to reverse his losses by suing him for damage to his hand.

21. Movie Show

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Season 7

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23m

When the Bundy family is reminded that Kelly's birthday is coming up, Al seizes the opportunity to appear generous by offering to take her to the movies after Kelly's boyfriend, Frank, has already invited her out. Certain that Kelly would refuse, the Bundys are surprised when she cancels her date with Frank to join them. As they are settling into their seats at the theater, Kelly is shocked to find Frank out with another girl. Kelly confronts Frank about his unfaithfulness then sends Al over to beat him up.

22. 'Til Death Do Us Part

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Season 7

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23m

Peg's complaints about Al's lovemaking to the girls at the beauty parlor makes him the laughing stock of the town. Trying to pull him out of his depression, Peg spreads rumors that she was ravished by him. Despite her efforts, Al still feels inadequate until he has some old flames confirm his sexual prowess. Convinced that he was once a read stud, he works his way back into shape and finally impresses Peg with his revitalized sexual vigor.

23. 'Tis Time to Smell the Roses

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Season 7

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23m

Convinced by Peg and the kids to take the $12,000 offered by his company for early retirement, Al is forced to take another job as a trainee at Homeplate Athletic Shoes when they start spending the nest egg at a rate that is sure to leave them broke. Al learns that three of his coworkers are planning to buy the store but, hoping to join them in the purchase, he misses out when Peg fails to wake him on time. Finally, Al decides to spend his last $6000 on the lottery, only to find that his coworkers are the big winners.

24. The Old Insurance Dodge

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Season 7

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23m

Upon reporting that the family's dilapidated 1974 Dodge has been stolen, Al is furious to find out that the insurance will only give him $50 for the car, so he decides to add a few priceless items to the list of things that were in the missing car's trunk. When the police show up and announce that they have found the old Dodge, Al insists that he is happier with his old car back, than he would be with the multi-million dollar settlement.

25. The Wedding: Repercussions

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Season 7

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23m

Jimmy, the Bundy's cousin, is intent on killing the man who slept with his wife on their wedding day Bud is worried that he will be identified as the culprit and is relieved when Jimmy enlists him to help find the guilty party. When Jimmy suspects Jefferson, Bud realizes he must admit his wrongdoing, only to find out that Jimmy is no longer interested, having found a new woman, Dee Anna. All is fine until Dee Anna tries to seduce Bud behind Jimmy's back.

26. The Proposition

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Season 7

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23m

When Coco, a cosmetic millionairess and former girlfriend of Al's, arrives she makes an indecent proposal by offering Peggy $500,000 for one night with Al. Though both Peg and Al have reservations about the proposal, they agree to do it for the children. However, after actually seeing Al in bed with Coco, Peggy reneges on the deal and returns Coco's check.

23 Episodes

1. A Tisket, a Tasket, Can Peggy Make a Basket

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Season 8

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22m

After he is given a pair of courtside tickets to the Charity All-Star Basketball game, Al first asks the doorman at the nudie bar to join him at the star-studded event. Then, as the D'Arcy's arrive en route to a Captain and Tenille reunion concert, Jefferson tries to finagle the invitation -- until he is warned against it by Marcy. However, upon hearing Al mention the presence of celebrities, Peggy overrides his objections and ends up accompanying him to the game. Meanwhile, Kelly sets her sights on snaring Los Angeles Lakers star Vlade Divac. After Kelly tries impersonating Tina Turner singing "The Star Spangled Banner" in an unsuccessful play for the Lakers' star, Al reluctantly agrees to accompany Peggy to the rest room and ends up missing most of the game's first half. Then, witnessing her husband harassing the players and coaches, Peggy joins in and directs her insults at the temperamental Xavier McDaniel. But, after taking the punishment for his wife's loose tongue, Al switches seats with Peggy, only to have her chosen to participate in a free throw contest worth ten thousand dollars. Despite Al's protests that she was sitting in his seat, Peggy is led away for her chance at glory as Kelly joins the All Star Cheerleaders in another aborted pass at Divac. Then, as she is preparing for the contest, Peggy's errant shot hits McDaniel, netting her husband another beating. Finally, after she misses her one and only shot at fame and fortune, Al consoles Peggy by claiming her failure was simply the Bundy family's fate.

2. Hood in the Boyz

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Season 8

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22m

Returning home from work, Al confides in Jefferson that an old girlfriend called him to ask for help with some neighborhood kids who have been giving her trouble at her soda shop. Warned by Jefferson about the difficulties of hiding anything from a wife, Al decides to ask Peggy to join him at a hotel in his old neighborhood for a second honeymoon in order to get close enough to help Mary Ellen. But, when Al suggests starting their trip with a nice long nap, Peggy has other ideas and demands they have sex right away. After being ravished by Peggy, Al manages to flee down the fire escape heads for the soda shop. Finding that Mary Ellen is still quite attractive, he quickly agrees to have a talk with Ray Ray, the young tough who has been giving her trouble. But, after suffering a beating from Ray Ray and his gang, the battered Al returns to his hotel where, as Peggy again drags him into bed, he is reminded of his old gang. Yet, after rounding them up to help, Al's old friends are quickly scared off by Ray Ray's gang, leaving him to suffer another attack. After another go-round with Peggy, Al slips away for the soda shop, only to be intercepted by Bud and Kelly, who claim that the news of his mission is all over town. As the kids accompany him to the shop for protection and support, Al's impassioned appeal about man's inability to resist doing the impossible for the women they love causes Ray Ray to take pity on him and leave. Finally, after thanking him for his gallantry, much to Al's delight, Mary Ellen reveals that she would not consider having sex with him.

3. Proud to Be Your Bud

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Season 8

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22m

With the onset of fall, Bud again tries to create a new persona which will help him attract women, but fails to convincingly remake himself into country legend Billy Ray Bundy. After resigning himself to spending the rest of his days in the basement, Bud hears a mysterious voice and embarks on a strange construction project which causes Peggy to worry about his sanity. Meanwhile, Al tracks down a junk dealer who can supply a part for his ailing car, only to be stymied by an insidious computerized phone system. After completing his project, Bud is stunned when it produces his alter ego, Cool Bud. Claiming he cannot stand Bud's failures anymore, Cool Bud insists he is going to help make him more popular. Summoned by Peggy to help counsel her son, Jefferson finds the young Bundy seemingly talking to an old hobby horse, while Al contemplates suicide before falling asleep during his endless wait to talk with someone about the car. Insisting Bud needs to change his approach and not his looks, Cool Bud reviews some of his most spectacular failures with women as he tries to prove the point. But, after he blows one last chance with a beautiful woman and launches into a hand to hand battle with Cool Bud, a more composed and eerily unfamiliar Bud emerges from the basement with assurances that everything is fine. Finally, Al discovers that a momentary lapse has allowed Kelly to hang up the phone and lose him his chance to repair the car.

4. Luck of the Bundys

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Season 8

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22m

Though Peggy claims his horoscope predicts good luck ahead, Al dismisses the forecast as meaningless -- until Kelly finds another job which will allow her to move and Bud is accepted into a fraternity that will get him out of the house, too. Yet, upon hearing the news, Al really worries and tells Peggy of a family curse in which a Bundy's good luck always proceeds something terrible. Meanwhile, for her new job, Kelly prepares a spectacular and dangerous Homecoming Rally stunt. Having built a living room bunker for protection, Al waits nervously as Marcy and Jefferson arrive for a visit. However, told of Al's lucky streak, Jefferson suggests taking advantage of it and arranges for a poker game with three shady characters he met in prison. Then, despite his firm belief that something bad is about to happen, Al wins big, while Marcy and Peggy head off for the rally to document Kelly's daredevil stunt. Offering the trio of losers a chance to recover their money, Jefferson suggests a final hand in which Al bets all of his winnings against their luxury cars. But, still fearing the repercussions of his good luck streak, Al tries his best to lose, yet ends up winning again. Finally, true to the Bundy curse, Al soon discovers the cars are stolen and that Kelly had an accident which destroyed Bud's fraternity house, all as he watches the police make off with all the winnings from the card game.

5. Banking on Marcy

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Season 8

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22m

As Al is watching the latest risque rap videos on television, Marcy announces that she has been asked to deliver the bad news about the bank's performance at the next shareholders meeting. Terrified of speaking in public after an embarrassing childhood incident, after asking Peggy for help, Marcy consults a popular radio psychiatrist. Reporting that Dr. Angela suggested thinking about sex during her speech to help her relax, Marcy asks Peggy to attend the meeting for moral support. Coerced with the promise of free food, Al joins Peggy and Jefferson and watches as Marcy works herself into a sexual frenzy during her announcement of layoffs at the bank. Although embarrassed by her performance, Marcy soon finds that she is being given a raise and loaned out to other corporations to deliver bad news about job losses and plant closures. But, realizing that the explicit presentation caused his own sexual dysfunction, Al warns Bud to avoid attending a speech where she will announce a tuition increase at his college. However, ignoring his father's warnings, Bud insists on going in hopes of snaring a sexually aroused coed. When her new career interferes with their sex life, Jefferson complains that Marcy has been ignoring his needs ever since becoming a public speaking superstar. So, after giving Jefferson his own private speech, Marcy returns to Dr. Angela and, to save her marriage, retires from her new job. Finally, in an attempt to deal with his own problems, Al also consults with Dr. Angela about his sudden lack of arousal.

6. No Chicken, No Check

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Season 8

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22m

When Kelly and Bud propose pooling their money to buy a car, Al warns them about the pitfalls of sharing. But, when Jefferson suggests taking their eight hundred dollars to an auto auction, the kids persuade Al to join them, but don't even wait until they arrive at home to begin arguing about the car. After negotiating a good deal for the car, Al takes the money he saved and orders Peggy to fill their refrigerator with meat. Then, as Al is explaining that because he has insured the new car as a farm vehicle, it must always have a live chicken on board, Kelly and Bud arrive home to announce they both have hot dates. After arguing over who should get to use the car, Bud and Kelly find themselves at a drive in movie with Sonja, a beautiful and promiscuous foreign exchange student, and the actor who portrays Neuter the Cat in a famous pet food commercial. When Sonja tells him she is ready for sex, Bud tries to use a nearby pickup truck, but quickly finds it is occupied by an angry dog. Meanwhile, when the refrigerator breaks down from overuse and Peggy gives away all of their meat, Al decides to cook the insurance company's chicken after it is left behind by the kids. Learning that Neuter is actually quite wealthy and wanting to go someplace where they can talk privately about the lavish gifts he could give her, Kelly has her date don his cat costume and they head out for a walk. However, when the dog which attacked her brother goes after Neuter, Kelly and her date are forced back to the car where they interrupt Bud and Sonja once again. But while arguing over who gets the car, Bud and Kelly discover that Sonja and Neuter have locked them out. Finally, after totaling the car while on their way home, Kelly and Bud find that Al has eaten the insurance policy.

7. Take My Wife, Please

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Season 8

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22m

Claiming she is hosting a Halloween charity fundraiser at her house for women who killed their husbands, Marcy reveals that her entertainment for the evening has failed to show. So, left with a house full of angry women, Marcy offers Peggy and the kids five hundred dollars to join Jefferson and pose as seventies disco group the Village People in order to placate her restless guests. Meanwhile, when Al arrives home to face the neighborhood trick-or-treaters and wishes he were dead, he finds his request has been answered when Death arrives at the door. Realizing the ghostly apparition is not just another Halloween pest, Al then discovers that Death looks uncannily like his wife. Though admitting he has expressed an interest in dying more than just once, Al begs to be forgiven and asks that his life be spared. So, offering him a deal, Death agrees to let him live provided that Al's family says they need him before midnight. Meanwhile, as Al prays that one of the Bundy's will save his life, Peggy, Jefferson and the kids lip-synch to a record of the Village People's hit, "Y.M.C.A." to an appreciative, if oblivious, audience. As Peggy and the others are getting dangerously close to an attack by the angry women, the real Village People finally arrive. But, when the band makes the mistake of opening with "Y.M.C.A.", they are attacked by the crowd as Peggy and the kids slip away unharmed. Though certain his fate his sealed, when Al hears Bud and Kelly wish he could give some advice about toilet paper, he is saved from Death. Finally, upon arriving home, Peggy and the kids find Al passed out on the couch after having breathed toxic fumes from Kelly's insecticide tanks.

8. Scared Single

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Season 8

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22m

After Kelly is rendered temporarily insane by a horde of Peruvian Stinging Beetles, Al returns home from work to announce that he will be hiring a new employee to sell handbags at the store. Though vowing to take care in his selection, Al immediately offers the job to the first attractive, albeit not-to-bright, woman who applies. Then, after Marcy brings Jefferson in and insists he be given the job, she has second thoughts about his working when she spots him with an attractive customer. When a recent Polk High School graduate and football star comes in to apply for the job, Al is taken by Aaron's claim that he is still considered a hero at the school. Explaining how marriage ruined his future, Al decides to give the job to Aaron, but worries after finding that he wants it because he is getting married, too. So, concerned that Aaron is throwing his future away, Al takes the young man aside to give him the benefit of his years of experience. Counselling him not to do it, Al then takes Aaron into the mall for a look at all the meek, miserable, married men there waiting for their wives. But, after meeting Aaron's fiancee, Al has second thoughts when he learns she likes football, cooks and has a job. However, when Aaron takes Al's advice and breaks off his engagement to Angie, he arrives at the Bundy's to show off Meg, a new girlfriend who bears an eerie resemblance to Peggy.

10. Dancing with Weezie

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Season 8

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22m

As Marcy is announcing that she has four tickets for "The Jeffersons Movin' On Up Tour," Al arrives with news of a new sports bar opening in the neighborhood. Although Marcy claims that her own husband won't find it attractive, Jefferson soon arrives to celebrate the bar's opening with Al. Meanwhile, when an impromptu sports trivia quiz results in a disagreement between Al and Jefferson, the search is on to find out who starred in the first Lite Beer commercial. But, after two days of arguing fails to produce a winner in their debate, they agree to settle the dispute at the grand opening of the new bar. Revealing that the bar's opening falls on the same night as the "Jeffersons Live," Peggy and Marcy insist their husbands are going to the theater. Yet, determined not to miss appearances by sports legends Ernie Banks, Johnny Bench and Joe Namath, Al hatches a plan to be at the bar instead. So, joining their wives at the theater for the Jeffersons show, once the lights go down, Al and Jefferson excuse themselves to go to the bathroom and are replaced by Bud and Kelly in disguise. As the men arrive at the sports bar to join all the other husbands who have tricked their wives, too, Peggy and Marcy sit enthralled by the Jeffersons show, oblivious to the fact that the men are gone. Meanwhile, deciding to settle their disagreement over the Lite Beer commercial, Al and Jefferson pose the question at the bar and a riot quickly erupts between two warring camps -- one backing Billy Martin, and the other Bubba Smith. Finally, confined to the couch with the broken arms and legs they sustained in the brawl, Al and Jefferson learn that their wives are off to follow the "Movin' On Up Tour" around the country, leaving them stuck in front of the television and a twenty-four hour "Jeffersons" marathon.

12. A Little off the Top

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Season 8

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22m

When Al is brought home after a football game in the park, Peggy discovers that he has severely injured his back. Though Aaron reports that the doctor suggested some minor back surgery, Al insists he just needs some rest. Meanwhile, claiming to know some massage techniques that might help, Aaron's friend Jay demonstrates them on Marcy with some extraordinary results. So, given the option of massaging him twice a day or surgery, over Al's objections, Peggy opts for taking him to the hospital. At the conclusion of the operation, the doctor takes Peggy aside to say that a mistake in the instructions changed the procedure from a circular incision to a circumcision. Preparing for their father's arrival, Kelly and Bud take care to remove all of his erotic magazines from the house in order to keep him from becoming sexually aroused. So, when Al arrives in obvious pain, Bud, Kelly and Peggy promise not to do anything to aggravate his condition and not to tell anyone what happened. While recounting his painful hospital visit, Al discovers that Marcy and Jefferson both know of the operation when they drop in for a visit. Told that sex with Al may end up being better because of the operation, Peggy settles in for a month-long vigil before she can find out for sure. However, after only two weeks, Al finds the sexual imagery around him is making it difficult to comply with the doctors orders. So, retreating to the garage for the next two weeks, Al finally emerges and sweeps Peggy off to the bedroom.

13. The Worst Noel

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Season 8

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22m

While looking for something on television to pass another Christmas Eve, Al is disappointed to find little else besides "It's A Wonderful Life." However, after suggesting that he and Peggy go out to dinner, Bud and Kelly are happy to see Al settle in to watch Christmas Oil Wrestling, giving them a chance to sneak their parent's present -- an old jukebox -- into the house. But, when Peggy arrives looking for something to watch, too, she and Al fight over the television remote control, as Kelly and Bud struggle to hoist the jukebox through a second story window. Arriving to borrow some ice, Marcy conceals the fact that she and Jefferson are having their annual yuletide party -- one to which Al has not been invited. Frustrated with Christmas Eve's television fare, Al complains about the D'Arcy's not having their holiday fete as Jefferson arrives with two friends to borrow a table and chairs and insists he is spending a quiet evening at home with his wife. Meanwhile, as Bud is being crushed by the falling jukebox, Al and Peggy resume their fight over the TV. Swearing he hears suspicious noises coming from the neighbors, Al questions Peggy about the party hat she is wearing. Then, as Bud is again maimed by the stubborn jukebox, Marcy arrives in a scanty Santa costume looking for contraceptives and still manages to fool Al. Finally, after the jukebox crashes and is smashed to pieces, Al and Peggy are given the single record that survived Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song" -- as their gift.

14. Honey, I Blew Up Myself

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Season 8

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22m

Bemoaning another birthday, Al cringes when Jefferson arrives at the shoe store to deliver his rendition of "Happy Birthday" along with a free coupon for a topless car wash. Forced to refuse Jefferson's invitation to have their cars washed right then and there, Al announces that he is expected at home for a birthday party he wishes weren't happening. Though unfazed to find his usual cake and awful presents from the kids, Al is surprised by Peggy's gift -- a boudoir photograph of her in sexy lingerie. So, asked what he thinks, Al mulls over the consequences of his various answers before deciding to tell Peggy she looks "nice." Though adamantly refusing to take it to work, Al ends up posting Peggy's picture at the shoe store, where Aaron notes how nice she looks, too. Then, insisting he isn't jealous of having other men see his wife in the seductive pose, Al is shocked when the photographer uses a huge blow up of the photo as an advertising ploy. After asking Jefferson to get the photographer to remove the giant picture, Peggy arrives to admire the enormous ad as Al insists that customers are complaining about it. But, when a passerby stops in to say how beautiful it is, Al continues to deny he is jealous as he pummels a pair of men whose lewd remarks he finds offensive. Asked by Aaron why he can't just admit to being jealous, Al claims that he could never give Peggy that kind of ammunition to use against him as he sets out to remove the picture. Realizing that Jefferson will be of no help, Al decides to enlist Marcy's feminist support group. So, arriving at a meeting of F.A.N.G. (Feminists Against Neanderthal Guys), he claims that a woman's body is being exploited by men for profit. Finally, after suffering a beating at the hands of the club and before heading off to the car wash, Al watches a news report detailing the feminist's attack on the picture and their assault on Jefferson who they caught posing nude in the photo studio.

15. Sofa so Good

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Season 8

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22m

With his parents going away for a family reunion at the First Annual Wanker County Olympic Games, Bud feigns illness in order to stay home for a date with the never-say-no Naomi. But, while planning on having the house to himself on Saturday night, he is surprised when Kelly announces she needs it for the filming of a public service announcement which encourages young children to read. However, after Bud agrees to take Naomi out for their big night, Kelly quickly abandons her ruse when her new boyfriend Gunther arrives to spend the evening. As Bud is failing to interest Naomi in the bed he hastily constructed on the front porch, Gunther's cigar accidentally sets the Bundy's couch on fire. Panicked over what their mom will do when she discovers that her pride and joy has been burned beyond recognition, Kelly begs Bud to help ward off trouble --especially after Peggy calls claiming to have had an eerie premonition about the couch. So, armed with pictures of their former sofa, Bud and Kelly set out to find another just like it, only to learn that their parents are coming home a week early. After Bud refuses to shoulder all the blame for the fire, Jefferson reveals that the only other couch like theirs is owned by a lonely and insane furniture maker living in a shack deep in the woods. Shown a picture of what she needs and claiming it was one of his few attempts to go commercial with his business, Mary agrees to hand over the couch after making a deal with the desperate Kelly. So, while Peggy and Al return to find the couch present and accounted for, they are surprised to discover that their bed is mysteriously missing.

16. How Green Was My Apple

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Season 8

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22m

After admiring the apple he has so painstakingly tended and sending Bud for some gardening supplies, Al notices that it is missing and immediately calls the police to file a complaint. When Jefferson arrives eating an apple and Al protests that it is his, he is reminded that it was on the D'Arcy's side of the fence. To settle the dispute, Marcy suggests that they have a survey done to determine where the property line really is. So, when he arrives and Peggy notes how much he resembles Danny Bonaduce of TV's "The Partridge Family", the surveyor claims that she is mistaken before telling Al and Jefferson that their fence is meaningless when it comes to defining the property line. After the surveyor leaves on the Partridge Family bus, Al and Jefferson are left to settle the dispute after it is determined that the tree actually belongs to the D'Arcys. However, as Jefferson and Marcy are celebrating victory, they are surprised when Al claims part of their backyard as his own. Then, after Al refuses to accept the apple tree in exchange for their barbecue, Jefferson cuts off Peggy's cable TV, causing Al to sever the D'Arcy's phone line in retaliation. So, when Jefferson and Marcy erect a toll booth at the end of Al's driveway and refuse to let him pass without first paying $1,500, he attempts to drive across the lawn only to discover that they have planted tire-piercing steel spikes in the grass. Fighting back, Al tells a building inspector (who looks suspiciously like Gary Coleman) that his neighbors have an illegal driveway -- one he originally constructed of old women's shoes. So, after insisting that the D'Arcy's be penalized with a $5,000 fine, Al returns to keep Peggy entertained until their cable service has been restored. Though Jefferson congratulates Al on his ingenuity and removes the toll booth, Marcy uses dynamite to blow up the driveway. But, after Al retaliates by jacking up their house, Jefferson borrows a neighbor's rocket launcher and completely destroys both homes. Finally, despite Peggy's success in getting them to make up, upon spotting another apple on the ground, Al and Jefferson start their struggle anew.

17. Get Outta Dodge

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Season 8

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22m

As Kelly is occupied with a frustrating round of "Where's Waldo?," Bud and his date Lisa are surprised when Al and Peggy return home early from a trip to Milwaukee because of an accident in the family's Dodge. Although Al sentimentally insists he will never get rid of it, he gives in to Peggy's demand and prepares to sell the Dodge while listening to Jefferson sing the praises of his new European sports car one which has never seen a day outside the repair shop. Though certain his expertise as a shoe salesman will help fetch a good price, Al soon finds that a mistake in his newspaper ad has made it difficult to get offered more than a few dollars. When the Dodge Corporation's Bill Ellis discovers it is close to breaking the million mile mark on the odometer, he asks to use the Bundy's ailing car in a commercial to document the mileage milestone. Told he will be given a brand new high performance sports car in exchange for his cooperation, Al readily agrees and prepares for the commercial by inching his own car close to the million mile, pulling into the garage with only one-tenth of a mile to go. But, when Marcy explains how worried she would be that something would happen before the commercial, Al is suddenly unable to sleep. After calling the police to ask that they protect the car, Al fails to interest Bud and Kelly in helping to keep the Dodge from harm. So, Al listens to the car radio to pass the time before doing impressions of famous people to entertain himself throughout the vigil. But, when exhaustion causes him to fall asleep and the car rolls out of the garage, Al wakes to discover that the odometer turned over one million miles without the Dodge people being there. So, with a car phone as his consolation prize, Al sets off to rack up another million miles as quickly as possible in order to get the sports car.

18. Valentine's Day Massacre

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Season 8

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22m

Upon discovering an unopened valentine addressed to Bud, Kelly suddenly remembers having promised to deliver it to her brother six years ago. But, when he finds it was an invitation from classmate Bernice Winchester to come over while her parents were out, Bud notes that she is now pop music star Crystal Brooks and sets out to rectify the mistake. Meanwhile, having forgotten another Valentine's Day, Al does his best to resist Peggy's demand that he be more romantic until Kelly's admonition puts him on the spot. So, when Jefferson arrives to show off his gifts for Marcy, he tells Al of the Valentine Store -- a place for rogue husbands like himself to get last minute presents at outrageously high prices. However, when Bud discovers that Crystal is playing a concert in town, he steals Jefferson's gifts and heads for her hotel, only to tangle with her unsympathetic bodyguard. Upon arriving at the Valentine Store, Al immediately jumps into an auction and offers the winning bid of seventy-five dollars for a single piece of candy and then spends another fifty dollars for an empty pot and a bag of seeds before brawling over the only remaining Valentine's Day card. Meanwhile, after stealing a bellhop's uniform for another attempt at getting to Crystal, Bud stops at the wrong door and is dragged inside by Rita, a large, older, sex-starved woman. Although surviving the encounter, Bud is again delayed when he accepts fifty dollars to walk another guest's dog. Determined to get to Crystal before it is too late, Bud lures her bodyguard to Rita's door where he is also overpowered by the lonely woman. So, when Bud is able to insist that his sister's mistake kept him from answering her plea six years ago, Crystal claims that she is no longer interested. Meanwhile, after giving Peggy her Valentine's Day gifts, Al is forced to follow her upstairs to bed as Bud returns home to admit that his quest ended in failure. Though promising never to make the same mistake again, after Crystal arrives with another invitation for Bud, Kelly is distracted by her date and absentmindedly tosses the pop star's note into the trash.

19. Field of Screams

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Season 8

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22m

After arranging for a car company to build a new factory in Chicago, Marcy announces that the finders fee has made her and Jefferson millionaires. Yet, upon arriving home, Al complains about Trans-Mexican Motors' plan to build their new car, the Haguar HT, on what is now Polk High School's football field. Upset with the desecration of the site where he scored four touchdowns in one game, Al then learns that Marcy was involved and pledges to stop construction. Meanwhile, in a new Verminator commercial, Kelly's demonstration of a new flea powder shrinks Buck and then causes Bud to grow a pair of breasts. After unsuccessfully taking his case to the City Council, Al chains himself to the goal posts in hopes of starting a grassroots movement to stop the Haguar plant. So, when Bud arrives wearing a heavy coat to hide his new deformity, Al asks that he round up a crowd to join him in his protest. But, when Aaron and a couple of homeless park dwellers are the only ones to show up, Al realizes that no one really cares about preserving the football field. So, after asking Aaron to unlock him so he can use the bathroom, Al discovers that Kelly has the key. When Kelly arrives in her Verminator "Bug-Mobile," Al finds that she has flattened the handcuff key on a nearby train track, rendering it unusable. Then, after Kelly shows him a jar full of deadly African Ping Beetles before heading off in search of help to free him, one of the bugs escapes and bites Al into unconsciousness. Then, after waking to find Marcy, Al agrees to give up his protest in exchange for a cheeseburger, only to discover that the project has been canceled to protect the new habitat of the rare Ping Beetle.

20. The D'Arcy Files

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Season 8

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22m

As they are preparing to watch the first baseball game of the new season, Jefferson prompts Al and Peggy to reminisce about a particularly successful April Fool's Day prank they played on their high school music teacher. Meanwhile, when Bud and Kelly approach their parents for a five thousand dollar loan to start a photo studio where lonely guys can have their pictures taken with pretty girls, Jefferson suggests panhandling for the money. Upon seeing the team's new owner, Walter Traugott, being introduced on TV, Jefferson bolts from the house, leaving Al to watch the game alone and Peggy complaining about the pain of a broken tooth. Ignoring Marcy's attempts to interest him in sex as he confesses to having once worked for the C.I.A., Jefferson reveals that Walter is the one person who could put his life in jeopardy. As Al is at work playing April Fool's Day pranks over the phone, Bud complains that Kelly's panhandling efforts are more successful than his. Then, Walter arrives at the shoe store and, claiming Jefferson is a dangerous spy, offers Al fifty thousand dollars for information leading to his arrest. So, as he is taking Peggy to see a dentist, Al decides to find out the truth about Jefferson and, if necessary, claim the reward for himself. But, after subtly probing with questions about his past as Peggy waits in pain, Al is satisfied that his neighbor is O.K. and reveals Traugott's offer. Admitting that he was a spy, Jefferson insists that Traugott is the bad guy, while Peggy manages to get herself to the dentist and back without any help, and Bud and Kelly have their begging earnings confiscated by the police. Yet, when the kids complain that Jefferson's advice cost them a chance to start a new business, Al reconsiders Traugott's generous offer. Then, as Jefferson arrives to show off what he and Marcy bought for their April Fool's Day party, Al is forced to admit that he has sold his neighbor out for the money. However, told that the whole affair was just an elaborate April Fool's Day prank, Traugott's accidental death from a nasty fall leaves Al questioning Jefferson's story.

22. Nooner or Later

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Season 8

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22m

Leaving Kelly to wait in line for tickets to see the rock band "Burnt Beyond Recognition," Bud goes to Al's shoe store to use the bathroom. Yet, when another fan offers her backstage passes in exchange for their place in line, Bud returns to find that his sister has been tricked with a pair of worthless bus transfers. However, after berating Kelly for her stupidity, Bud is also duped, this time by a beautiful girl who persuades him to give up their spot again. Hoping to win a gift certificate at Victoria's Secret, Peggy responds to a challenge issued by DJ Rick Dees and calls Al at work to get him to sing her a song which, unknown to him, will be broadcast on the radio. But, with his new temp worker Dexter locked in a life and death struggle with a large customer, Al claims he is too busy and hangs up. Given another chance, this time to win dinner at the best restaurant in town, Peggy calls again asking her husband to recite his pet name for her breasts. Yet, after Al again hangs up, Dees makes Peggy one final offer -- ten thousand dollars and a trip to Tahiti if she can get her husband to come home within the next hour to have sex. Though agreeing to come home when she calls, Al discovers that a "nooner" does not mean he is going to have lunch and decides to stay at the store. So, when Bud and Kelly's hunger forces them to search for food, he agrees to save their place in the ticket line. However, when Jefferson tips him off to the contest, Al hurries home, costing Bud and Kelly their place once again. Finally, after Marcy unsuccessfully tries to impersonate him, Al arrives just one minute too late to win but is tricked into having sex with Peggy anyway as Kelly and Bud learn that their mom's consolation prize is a pair of the prized concert tickets.

23. Kelly Knows Something

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Season 8

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22m

Certain that Kelly fits their profile, Al decides to prepare her for an appearance on Touchdown Trivia. So, after Bud claims that she has a large capacity to store information, but only up to the point where her brain is full, Al proceeds to feed Kelly all the sports facts she can handle. Then, with her coaching complete, Kelly is sent to rest before appearing on the show. Although she soon begins to shine during the show, Al's excitement is tempered when Kelly is asked some questions about herself by Travis, raising the possibility that she might forget something she learned. However, when she outclasses her competition and wins, Kelly passes up a $1,000 prize to try a $10,000 question about local sports. Finally, despite Al's certainty that she has won, when Kelly cannot remember her own father's record breaking feat in high school, the Bundy's are left with the show's consolation prize...a new TV.

24. Assault and Batteries

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Season 8

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22m

When Peggy returns with the wrong batteries for their flashlight, Al insists on getting them himself and ends up stranded in a long line waiting to pay. So, as Peggy leaves him with her cartload of Christmas decorations to go wait outside, Al makes the mistake of letting an old woman ahead of him in line, unaware of just how much she is planning to buy. Worried he won't home in time to see "Hondo," Al switches lines, only to find Marcy is there ahead of him. Yet, finally making his way to the cashier, Al's exit is foiled again when a problem with the store's computer paralyzes the checkout process and locks the doors. Meanwhile, after returning from the park, Buck is terrified by the prospect of a game of Frisbee with Kelly and Bud. With ninety minutes left before the movie, Al frantically looks for a way out as Peggy waits outside along with store's young computer expert. So, when the other customers settle around a barbecue to wait, Al joins them and spins a yarn about the good old days before there were computers to make his life more difficult. However, after grabbing a cash register in frustration and throwing it at the door, Al is accidentally hit in the head and knocked out. Finally regaining consciousness at home, Al learns that he not only missed the movie but that he is also being charged for the damaged computer, while Buck's voice throwing skills allow him to get revenge on Kelly and Bud.

25. Ride Scare

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Season 8

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22m

Pulled over by the police while en route to work, Al and the women are identified as the only people carpooling in all of Chicago and are enlisted the by the city to appear in a new environmental ad campaign. So, returning home after their first television commercial, Al is a changed man as he regales his family with the exploits of his carpool team. Then, after confessing to reporting Marcy for driving with a disconnected smog device, Al admits that, while his embrace of environmental issues may be hypocritical, it is making him a rich celebrity. When his three hefty colleagues come to the Bundy's home, Al learns they have been invited to Los Angeles for a series of television appearances. However, when he is told that, prior to the trip, he must make an appearance in front of Chicago's most toxic polluter, Al realizes that the offending company happens to be Kelly's employer. So, warned about the possible loss of her job if he appears, Al reconsiders his role as an environmental spokesman and, deciding to do what is best for his children, gives up his claim to fame and returns to his everyday life.

26. Al Goes Deep

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Season 8

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22m

Despite Al's warning about making the same mistakes he did, Chad's interest in football takes a sudden nosedive when Kelly arrives home and the two fall in love at first sight. So, as Chad starts to skip practice for dates with Kelly, Al worries that his lack of concentration could jeopardize his team's chances. Meanwhile, when Peggy considers going into business making bonbons, she triples the sugar and adds a little caffeine to her recipe before trying them out on the unsuspecting Marcy and Buck. Then, as she is crashing from her bonbon-induced high, Marcy begins to wonder why she hasn't received her tax refund check yet. When Jefferson announces that he convinced his bookie and other local mobsters to place huge bets on the game, Al realizes that his neighbor could be in for a big and very painful surprise. So, hoping to convince Kelly to stop seeing Chad, Al first tries calling on one of her old boyfriends before being forced to seek another solution to Jefferson's problem. Enlisted to persuade him to play, Kelly then accidentally gives Chad a bad luck charm which results in the star quarterback breaking his arm during the game. So, with no other way out, Al saves the day and wins the game after donning Chad's uniform himself. Finally, Peggy's tripling of the butter in her bonbons causes Buck to undergo an enormous gain in weight.